Introducing: 1dTees

Here we are in sunny Des Moines, Iowa, on our way across the country with a final destination of the San Diego Comic Con. We’re feeling a little introspective here at Strange Matter today, being surrounded by this vast expanse of corn, pigs, corn, and corn, so this seems like a good time to tell you a story.

A story about failure.

Miserable, miserable failure.

If you think back, you’ll remember it happening to you, or someone you care about. It’s really an unavoidable part of life, but never, ever easy to bear.

There you are, at the height of your glory. You’ve worked very hard to get where you are. You started at a young age, and put in long hours day after day. Many of the peers you started with are no longer by your side, because you are the one with the strength to persevere.

It seemed pretty easy on those early days, skewering rats, trudging through sewers or maybe that abandoned mine outside of town. The first time your rusty old sword sunk into the chest of an orc is a time you’ll never forget. You had arrived, you could play with the big hominids now.

It only got better from there… that evil wizard from across the sea said he was just misunderstood, but you knew better and by then you had a shiny new sword that maybe had a touch of magic to it. Then there was the wyvern at the top of the old castle. You fought tooth and nail for hours against the beast, broke your shield and nearly died more than once, but in the end you were the one left standing with a years worth of wyvern steaks at your feet.

At your peak, your peak you were unstoppable. Your sword gleamed blue, charged with ancient magicks. Your armor was shining plate and the Bag of Holding at your side was brimming with gold. When you found the dragon’s lair, all you felt was excitement. No fear, no doubt. This was your chance to enter the annals of legend – taking down a dragon, solo.

The battle began as expected, the potion you found in the goblin lair provided ample protection from the great lizard’s fiery breath. His claws glinted across your shield, but it did not give.

You waited for your time, parrying, dodging, being careful not to move in to early. You wanted this to last, this was your crowning achievement. And then you saw it. The perfect opening. The dragon’s fatal slip up, giving you the absolutely ideal position to strike the fatal blow. You drew your sword into position, looked it straight in the eye, felt the sinewy muscles in your begin their ultimate arc…

And then you rolled a one.

A one! One! Out of twenty numbers on the stupid die, you rolled the ONE number that guaranteed certain failure. Not just certain failure in the case, but certain death, as the sword slipped position in your hand and instead of being buried in a dragon’s heart, there it was sticking out of you own chest!

The Dungeon Master called it a “fumble”. Fumble! What a simple word for such a horrific event. He may call it a fumble, but you’ll always know what it was:

Epic Fail.

Now you can always carry a reminder of that fateful day with you, and show your friends and family that are part of that exclusive club of those who have reached for the stars and pulled down… a one.

Available in M, L, XL, XXL, and XXXL at the Strange Matter Store.

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1. Tweets that mention Introducing: 1dTees | Strange Matter Comics -- Topsy.com says:

   July 18, 2010 at 1:53 pm

   [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rebecca Hicks, Strange Matter. Strange Matter said: Because YOU demanded it, whether you know it or not: Introducing 1dTees! http://strangematter.us/49/introducing-1dtees/ [...]